Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Connect the Dots with Dorothy

There is a connection to everything!

I had gone to a ND - Naturopath Oncologist last fall.  Four sessions of time and money but they took no action.  Always suggested waiting to see what the MD Oncologist would say.  Then I called to change one appointment and was told that she quit.  Excuse me?  I wondered why they didn't call me to tell me.  A few weeks later I called and suggested they give me a free appointment to see someone else.  They wouldn't go for it.  My husband was happy that she quit - that was a sign for him that I follow only the MD.  I still wanted some support and intervention so I kept looking.  I was not willing to only listen to the MD.  I started learning about natural alternatives as a young stay at home mom; that's how I raised my three children.

On my search just before I took my 2 radiation sessions, I came across a male ND and his wife who is a nurse.  They could help me get down to the root cause of my cancer situation and support me on my journey to health and wellness.  They took immediate action.  I had an infrared thermometry test from head to hip.  The top 5 issues are my thyroid, food intolerance, kidney, adrenals and heavy metals.

Program:  No coffee, black tea, milk products, wheat, nuts, corn and cocoa.  Eat organic.  Drink 8 glasses of room temperature water (no drinks during meals), exercise.  Stay away from wireless as much as possible.  Looking into parasites and molds in my body as well as building up my immune system.  I have 33 parasites and 7 molds in my body.  They taught me how to do a coffee enema using a golden coffee not black coffee.  I was encouraged by other clients in the room and listened to their journey of conquering cancer and Lyme disease.

Coffee is the only thing I'm having trouble giving up.  Getting used to the coffee enemas.  I'm drinking lots of Matcha Green Tea which is an antioxidant but I still crave the espresso coffee on top of that; the black tea, milk products, wheat, nuts, corn and cocoa; no problem.  Did you know that coffee beans roasted black are carcinogenic?

I also joined a free 10 class cancer coaching program with ChrisBeatCancer.com

Small changes = small results.  Radical changes = radical results.  With cancer you need to take massive action for a minimum of two years.  We can expect opposition on our journey.  We must listen to our instincts and intuition.

That's why crying out to Jesus for clarity helped me realize it was fear that lead me to radiation.  It was fear that created doubt.  I inhale FAITH and exhale FEAR.

I had to stop doubting and being tossed around like ocean waves because I was going insane.  I had to do what I had to do for me.  I felt enough is enough and I'm going to overdose on nutrition as I pray for help to overcome my not good for cancer - food cravings.  I want to starve cancer cells, not feed them.  Healing goes beyond food.  Healing is about thoughts, beliefs, lifestyle and creating an action plan to stay on course.

When there is stress and anxiety from loved ones - I can ask them to respect my choice and trust that I've made the right choice for myself.  I need to get my family on board or off board; creating healthy boundaries.  It is in my best interest to find a support network, build a team.  Hang out with like minded people.

I am making a plan to get well and encouraging others to do the same.  I plan to live.  Eat to live not live to eat.  Enjoy my life, because going the other way was bringing depression which suppresses the immune system.  Focusing on all the things I can do brings JOY because of being grateful.  I am grateful for finding like minded people.  Following the MD's suggestion left me feeling hopeless and helpless.

In changing my eating habits to plant based nutrition with no oils my joints were moving freely.  No more arthritis in my knees, neck or spine.  I was feeling great physically and so inspired by my choice.  This lifestyle began the end of November.  After one radiation treatment the pain in my legs was terrible and my fingers where they were dry (during winter months) had deep cracks and hurt.  I couldn't imagine having fourteen more treatments and coming home discouraged, defeated and disillusioned.

A few weeks ago I mentioned having a fungus infection.  It started out as a small red patch on my hand now it's much bigger and itchy.  The MD gave me some cream to use.  It's been over a month and was not getting better.  Now that I'm eliminating foods that are bothersome to me and putting apple cider vinegar on it several times a day since leaving my home town it is drying up and getting smaller in size.

I can see the huge connection between stress and our health.  My head of hair is thinning from all this stress.

Thinking about my hair:  Back in 2002 I attended a seminar in Vancouver.  I wanted to get over the fear of public speaking.  We were encouraged to send in our three minute song and go on stage and perform.  I flew to Vancouver for the weekend.  The song I chose was 'Hair'.  I had a seamstress sew me a hippy costume for the occasion.  I bought a blond long hair wig.  I sent in my song then prepared myself for my performance.  I was so afraid.  When it came time to go on stage I felt like I was going to vomit and faint.  I was instructed to breathe into a brown bag with deep breaths.  I indeed did go on stage and sing to my hearts content 'Hair' . . . .  Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair, shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen.  Give me down to there hair, shoulder length or longer.  Here, baby, there, mamma, everywhere, daddy, daddy.  Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair.  Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair . . . . . and this is how I came to grow my hair . . . .

I've had a short spiky hair style for 18+years.  When my second grandson was three (he's now 9) he said "Why you say you girl when you have boy hair?"  This was after his five year old brother scolded him because the hockey puck he shot at the net hit me in the groin.  Then my five year old grandson (he's now 11) told his brother to be careful because he'd hurt my penis!!  To which any grandmother would reply "I'm a girl I don't have a penis! Which created another conversation!

My hair now is very long.  Thanks to a comment from my only granddaughter two years ago when she was three.  We were getting all the girls ready for a Christmas photo.  She said, "Nonna, you're not a girl you have boy hair!".  Well that comment changed my hair style.  I haven't had a hair cut since November 2014.  My granddaughter's hair is below her butt.  All her Aunt's, her Nana and her mom all had long hair at the time.  Now I do too!   

A couple we met in Victoria called us the other day to see how we were doing.  They went on a road trip for three months.  They encouraged me to block my fears and not to allow others fears co-hearse me into treatment I did not choose myself.  I told them I was going to Victoria for a few days to connect the dots with Dorothy.  Then I thanked them for calling at just the right time.  He is bald like my husband and she's got a great head of hair.

May you too connect the dots in your life as you create a support team with like minded people.  I hope you'll do what it takes to get over your fears.  One at a time.  A day at a time.

With Love and Encouragement - Dorothy
Mamma D Butterfly/Mamma D from YYC

Monday, February 27, 2017

Thank You YYJ - (Victoria BC)

Under the influence of Brave Faith

On what was suppose to be day three of radiation I met up with a friend from my past for coffee.  I told her then, that I opted out of radiation and I was going out of town in a couple of days.  She had brought a book of Psalms for me to enjoy which fit in so well for my time away.  Along with that a pamphlet about a prayer retreat using the Psalms.  I was impressed and we both knew God was up to something wonderful for me. 

My friend had put the book of Psalms to good use as a young widow.  It was good to share with each other about how amazing our God is.  She wished me a peaceful time away with the book of Psalms. 

I had left YYC with a runny nose and a sore throat.  Even though I wasn't feeling great it was wonderful to spend three quiet days alone with me myself and God.  God with a capital G.

On my three day self induced silent/prayerful retreat I had a bath twice a day.  I had a snooze each day.  I went for a short drive.  I did my Beth Moore Bible Study - Believing God.  I went for a infrared sauna session.  I listened to my cancer coaching sessions.  I listened to Michael Jr on YouTube.  He's a Christian comedian.  I listened to an Italian comedian (I have his CD) Christino Nannarone from Calgary.  I ate nutritious food.  I prayed.  I cried and I changed my cell phone message to one that the caller knew I was being silent for a few days.

The city I flew to - YYJ - brought me peace, tranquility, serenity, calmness, relaxation.  My husband and I had been running away to Victoria BC for a decade now.  We personally have never seen snow here until now!  Thinking that we'd some day retire here.  But being surrounded by seven grandchildren deterred us from doing so!

As I drove around the city, I could tell my senses had changed.  What was once wonderful, now I could care less.  It all became empty and meaningless.  What had happened to me was I surrendered.  I knew I didn't belong here in YYJ or in YYC.  My home was in heaven.  A place that I longed for.  To be with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  But when?  How would it happen?  How would I tell my family and friends that I was letting go of life here on earth.

Before day three of silence ended I had gone for a drive then pulled over to watch the ocean and called my husband.  Guess what he was up to?  He took off the back splash in the kitchen and was getting ready to replace it.  Our daughter had gone shopping with him over the weekend.  I had asked him if we could tackle this job some day soon.  Well that day had arrived while I was gone.  I really liked the tile they chose.

When my retreat was finished I went for another infrared sauna then made a few phone calls.  When I called my friend in Vancouver (she had called and left a message) and said,  "What have you been up to?"  Her response, "I've been getting ready to go away."  She had just got back from her 70th birthday in Hawaii so I was wondering where she was going to now!  I asked her.  "I'm getting ready to go to heaven", she replied.  "Well I would love to hear about your plans", I replied!  She was finalizing all the earthy necessities, planned her funeral so her children wouldn't have much to deal with.  When she finished I asked her what she was going to do in the meantime.  But she wanted to talk to me about my situation as she was concerned that I wasn't talking to anyone.

I told her that I didn't want to talk about me at all.  I was only being quiet for three days but not willing to talk about my cancer situation so we changed the subject.  As we continued our conversation we talked about our children and grandchildren.  As the conversation opened up, I really really listened to what she was saying about what she wanted to do if only one or two days was what she had left here on earth.  We said our goodbyes and said we'd call each other in a few days.

As I prepared something to eat and called my children, I thought about what I would do as I prepared to let go of my life here on earth.  I opened up a book that was given to me - The Power of Quotes - Inspiration for successful daily living by Calgary Author Les Hewitt, bestselling author, The Power of Focus.  The page I opened to read as follows:  Living in a fantasy world is no substitute for exciting goals and a practical action plan.

That's exactly what was next on my list since calming my spirit down.  I wanted to come up with an action plan as I prepared to live life to the fullest before I die.  As I think about that, it's hard to say if I've ever lived life to the fullest.  There has always been something to stop me from living full out.  The Les Hewitt quotes are to be reviewed daily for a week then move on to another quote of 52 choices for the year.  Excellent - just what I needed.  So now I can come up with a plan.  I envision the things that I'm willing and not willing to put up with on that plan as well.  What I'm willing to do and not do.  What I'm willing to listen to and not listen to.

One thing I already threw at my family was that I wanted to go on a Holistic Cruise.  It's a cruise that serves a vegetarian cuisine.  Just what I need.  So far my family is not interested.  It happens once a year in March.  I've been thinking about this for a few years now since I found out about it.  Now that I'm vegetarian I'm on board.  

My Faith in the living God who shows up where I'm at, listens to my cries and lifts me up; fills my heart with gratitude.  My spirit is joyful as I anticipate living with a brave faith.

May you grow in leaps and bounds on your brave faith journey.

With Love and Encouragement,

Dorothy - Mamma D Butterfly
Heaven is a Wonderful Place-
Filled with Glory and Grace

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Pray Cry Fly . . . . . Leaving on a jet plane!

Mamma D from YYC (Calgary) is flying away!

On my mind was . . . .  whY?  whYCancer?

I called, left a phone message or text message to a few family members to let them know what I was up to.

Just before leaving home, we had an opportunity for shedding tears of JOY giving thanks to God for our grandson was taken off of oxygen.  He had been on it from four days old - Jan 11 until Feb 22.  God is the giver of the breath of life.  I reminded my daughter of this truth as we wept together on Face Time.  Then she sent a photo of the little guy without the oxygen tube taped to his cheeks.  He is created in his Daddy's image, he is so cute.  On our way to the airport, I read scriptures out loud to drown away any negative thoughts or comments.  As we said our goodbyes, I said to my husband "We are blessed.  We are blessed.  Go home and rest!  I"ll see you in a few days."

I was heading out of my home town YYC.  I was thinking about creating a silent retreat of my own. I had heard about them but didn't know much.  My silence began on the airplane.  The last person I talked to was the Airline check in lady just before boarding the plane.  I walked towards the airplane and she came running toward me, saying "Is this yours?"  I started to cry.  "Yes that's my water bottle.  I haven't even left my home town and I forgot something all ready, I've been dealing with breast cancer these last few months and I'm leaving to clear my mind.  I trust in the Lord to get me through this."  She gave me a hug and said "Be strong.  That's all we can do in these situations!"  Then she was gone and I was leaving on a jet plane.

I said "Hello" to the stewardess then headed toward my seat (I was the last one on).  The overhead bins were full so I had to stop and put up my carry on, four rows ahead of my seat.  A gentleman asked "Would you like some help?"  I smiled and gave my approval.  Then I sat in silence for my flight thinking about who is the giver and taker of our breath of life.  It's God, not man, not any man, not any woman, not any Doctor.  No one can pressure me to do something that's not for me. 

I thought about the courage it took to say "Enough is enough I'm not doing any more radiation" when I called the Dr.  And the bravery to ask for what I wanted when I asked my husband if he'd be OK with me going away for a few days to be alone with God.  I thought about those who win medals, gold, silver and bronze.  Silence is golden (that's another song).  Duct tape is silver.  Many things are bronze.  I've often thought about hitting myself and others over the head with something bronze or taping my mouth or theirs with duct tape longing for silence.  It's so fun being human isn't it, fun learning when to speak up and ask for what we want and when to shut up and listen. 

Before I knew it, I must have had a snooze, touch down!  As the people were standing up waiting for the door to open.  I was still sitting in my seat sending text messages to my loved ones:  Touch down!  The lady in front of me turned to me and said "The man ahead took your suitcase down for you and put it on his seat."  I looked up and said, "Oh thank you for letting me know."

When I went to the carousel to get my bigger luggage I was looking for that man.  When I saw him and his family I smiled and said "Thank you so much for your kindness."

I headed out the door to catch the shuttle bus.  My husband suggested I take a taxi but I didn't feel comfortable late at night alone in a taxi.  The shuttle bus was nearly full.  I lifted my suitcases on board and waited for the driver to finish with the other customer then he turned to me to grab my suitcase.  I said, "Be careful it's heavy!"  He responded with "I've never heard that before!"  Everyone on the bus chuckled.  I knew I was in for a FUN ride.  Just what I needed.  "Thank You Lord!!"

As the bus driver got ready to radio in the number of people on the bus he asked "Would someone please count how many passengers I have."  I immediately stood up and said "I will."  I started counting out loud in Italian as I pointed to each person.  I walked towards the back and noticed the lady that was sitting across from me on the plane.  Throughout our bus ride her comments were very negative.  I wondered what troubles she experienced in her life. 

That was the beginning of our JOY ride.  I sat beside a lady that was smiling because of the jovial remarks from the bus driver before I sat down.  I knew we would be friends.  I told her my cancer story, she told me her cancer story!  Before I got off the bus, I asked her to call me in a month to see if I'm still alive.  I think this is going to be a habit.  The lady at the health food store was number one (a few weeks ago).  Now this lady is number two!  Who will be number three?  We enjoyed our conversation while thinking about the bus song.

The people on the bus go up and down up and down up and down.  The people on the bus go up and down all through the town!

I am in this situation after praying, crying and flying away because I'm Mamma D Butterfly.  Butterflies know what they need to do.  I must not be afraid to ask for what I want.  I want guidance from my God, the Holy Spirit.  I need to be still and listen without any interruptions.  Butterflies are not afraid of transformation.

I will be still.  I will be silent.  I will be alone with my God and dig deeper into my state of mind so I don't lose my mind.  I humbly accept the gold medal for courage and bravery.  I do not want to suppress my emotions on drugs or end up in the psychiatric ward of a hospital with a mental break down because of the feeling of my head being in a vise.

As we see emotions out of control in society, many gross violent acts are resulting.  I think of the incident in Canada a few years ago where a man dismembered another person on the bus because he was out of his mind.

I have reached out and asked for help over the years to find different ways of communicating.  I was tired of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is insanity.  As I recall what was once said to me "When your identity is being pushed down, you come out like a tiger!  When a woman is allowed to blossom into a woman of God, there is no need to tame the tiger."  That's not insanity that's truth!

I don't have to be dictated to by cancer statistics.  Or be dictated to by the fears and pressures of others so I am leaving on a jet plane to be alone with my God.

May you be too blessed to be stressed, too found to be lost, as you ask for what you want?

With love and encouragement,

Mamma D from YYC


Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Fear Anxiety and Frustration of Cancer

Inside the heart . . . . the Upside . . . . the Downside . . .  the right side . . . . the left side . . . .  Outside the Soul. 

The common denominator - SIDE.

Which side are you going to be on?  Are you on board?  If you're not on my side, if you're not supporting me in my choice.  If you're not for me, you're against me.  If I choose Nutrition over Radiation will you still love me?

Those are questions I've been thinking to ask my family.  They'd be great questions for you to ask your family too.

Inside the heart:  In the bible it says we speak from the overflow of our heart.  If my family is full of fear of me dying and insist that I follow what they think is right, they may think they speak from a heart full of love but really they speak from their fears.

This is a great example -
  1. I'm praying for you to make the right decision!!  Every day in every possible moment that statement got louder and louder and more frequent as this journey with breast cancer began.  
  2. The right thing to do is have a biopsy so we know what we're dealing with.  The right thing to do is listen to the surgeon and have surgery. 
  3. What you're doing is great but one thing is missing, radiation.  Radiation would be the right thing to do!
  4. With you all they way!  Here to support you!  Don't distance yourself from your family and friends!
  5. It's not good to feel sorry for yourself!  As I was preparing for radiation I was definitely not myself.  I was irrational.  I was not joining in conversation.  I was very distant. I was not feeling sorry for myself.  I was dealing with an intense fear.  Out of fear I agreed to have radiation so I wouldn't loose my breast.  The Dr suggested I go for a mastectomy if I chose not to have radiation.  My spirit was crushed.  My brain hammered beyond recognition because I was doing something I didn't want to do.  Something I wasn't sure if God wanted me to do.  Fear grips your heart.
If you personally have not dealt with the blow of cancer you might want to just ask the one with the diagnosis,  "What can I do to help?  What do you need?"

Then just listen and possibly your loved one will open up and share from the overflow of their heart.

First there are a few questions that are going to swirl through the minds of cancer or health crisis individuals.  They have questions and they want answers.  I look at it from the perspective of a Canadian TV show about investigative journalism.  It's called W5.  You could spell cancer with a capital W not a capital C.

Who is going to help me?
What do I need to change?
When is this going to end?
Where can I go and hide?
Why won't you just listen to me?

It's not about you the one who didn't receive the diagnosis.  So put your insecurities aside.  Put your judgement aside.  Put your criticism aside.  Put your good efforts aside.  Put your heroism aside.

Why?  Because you are adding fuel to the flames which will kill the relationship with your loved one who has cancer or is in a crisis.

The best thing anyone could do for me is - call to set up a time to help me clean the house.  Leave a message with powerful promises from the bible.  Send a text message with humor links, jokes etc.  Drop off a bag of organic vegetables.  Take me for a silent drive (only works with one who is not afraid of silence).  Leave a singing message with a verse from your favorite song to bring forth a smile.  Drop off a plant.  Send an inspirational email.  Mail a letter of encouragement using Canada Post.  Text:  Hi- thinking about you, love you.  Ask me what specific prayers would help then pray with me for me over the phone.  Invite me for a walk.

On a good day I respond.  On a bad day I hide.  Remember it's not about you.  Has nothing to do with you.  You didn't receive the diagnosis.

Fitting into others expectations of you is lying to yourself about what you need, want, like, or do not like.  It's like having a bacterial fungus.  (which happened to me 2 months ago)  It spreads quickly into all areas of your life and pollutes your very being.  Being polluted by the fungus dishonors self and it becomes difficult to speak up for yourself.  The fungus seals your lips when people speak to you in inappropriate ways.  The fungus clouds your brain and always makes you doubt yourself.  It grows and turns into anger or rage.

In the last blog entry the radiation technician suggested I enjoy the weekend and not think about radiation.  That's all I could think of.  I stayed up and prayed.  I read the bible.  I did my bible study about Believing God.  I cried a thousand tears of anxiety.  I prayed for direction.  I seeked God while He could be found.  In my quietness all alone with God I recalled an event on Day 1 and on Day 2 of radiation.

Day 1.  I saw a lady in a wheel chair with her hair done just like mine.  She was beautiful.  Possibly the same age as me.  She was waiting for her radiation, too weak to talk or walk.  I wanted to touch her and say something encouraging but I held back.  That was my first day there.
Day 2.  When I checked in the receptionist said "The computers are down I hope you remember what room you're in!"  I was so nervous I forgot about the sign I had asked God for that week.  I said "Dear Lord if the machine is broken that will be a sign that I don't need to do radiation.  With it not being the radiation machine could be why I didn't clue in.

Day 3 was going to be today, after the long weekend.  After all the praying, crying and thinking about what to do and not to do; this was my request "Dear Lord, please give me a vision while I sleep so I know if it's OK to go away and be alone with you?  I don't feel radiation is for me?"  When I woke up.  I woke up suddenly.  Startled because number one, the person in my dream was alive, he passed away a few weeks ago.  Number two, he was from the city where I wanted to go to be alone with God.  A place where no one could interrupt me.

On Sunday I told my husband I was thinking about going away, "I think it would be good for us to take a break from each other.  I need to be alone with God without any interruptions, just for a few days." "You don't need to go away to be alone with God" was his reply.  It was a rough day of raw emotions.  My husband told me he could feel my pain and wanted to feel my pain.

Then I started using my outside voice - "Are you kidding me!"  YOU CAN NOT GET SICK ENOUGH TO MAKE ME WELL ENOUGH".  That is a quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer.  Who is someone my husband would enjoy listening to on KSPS TV.  "That is why I need to get out of here.  Did you consider asking me what I need?  I certainly don't need to be around someone as sick as I am!  I'm not going for anymore radiation.  You need to be alone.  I need to be alone.  This cancer is killing us.  You're going to have a heart attack if you keep this up.  I'm going to die from all the stress of cancer."

Tuesday morning I felt at PEACE when I called the radiation Dr to cancel my appointments.

Now I'm going away with my husband's blessing.  He is going to join me in a few days.  We are going to start planning our life again.

If I have 1 second, 1minute, 1 hour, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or 1 decade to live . . . . It's time to get living it.  No one died.  No one wants to die.  We both want to live so live we will.

My family has mixed feelings about this.  Possibly radiation will come later.  At this moment I am honoring myself.  I ask.  I seek.  I knock.  And the doors will be shut or open as I focus on Health and Healing with my God.  No more double mindedness or being tossed back and forth by the waves of doubt.

On my cell phone this is my message:  Hi this is Dorothy-I'm alive and well just got back from hell.  For sure I'll call you back so leave your name and number.

May you find the courage to take a stand in your life and be brave in asking for what you need in your crisis.

With Love and Encouragement,

D o r o t h y


Friday, February 17, 2017

Sleepless in Calgary

Every pain I felt on my left side after my first radiation treatment left me wondering if radiation would kill me.  

At bedtime I couldn't fall asleep.  My mind was a disaster.  After a few hours, I left my bedroom and went to the spare room so I could just cry, cry baby cry.  I was filled with fear. Fear I had never experienced before. I just cried until I went to sleep. When I got up I went to get my bible and began to read.  I read a page in the Old Testament and the New Testament then wrote down what stood out for me.

Before I began my question to God was:  Is it OK to cancel my radiation appointments?

The Old Testament reading was from Psalm 116-119:33 - These points stood out for me.
  1. The Lord is with me.
  2. I will not be afraid.
  3. What can man do to me?
  4. Better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.
  5. I will live, not die.
  6. I will proclaim what the Lord has done.
  7. This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
  8. Give thanks to the Lord for he is good his love endures forever.
  9. Blessed are those who seek Him with all their heart.
  10. I have hidden your word in my heart.
The New Testament reading was from 2 Corinthians 12 - Galatians 2 - These points stood out for me.
  1. I will not boast about myself except about my weakness.
  2. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  (thorn in the flesh-my cancer).
  3. He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
  4. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, for when I am weak, then I am strong.
  5. For we can not do anything against the truth, but only for the truth.
  6. Be of one mind - live in peace and the Lord of love and peace will be with you.
  7. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
  8. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion.
  9. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
  10. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself  for me.
After reading these scriptures and crying as I got my breakfast I felt that I was to continue with the treatments.  I am always, always amazed at the pages that fall open that are exactly what I need to calm me down.

I could have stayed home just waiting for my appointment which was late in the day and feel sorry for myself but I didn't think that would help in any way.  It was my son's birthday so I asked him where he was working and picked up his favorite Donair on the run in Cochrane.  A small town West of Calgary where he was working.  He was spraying lacquer so I didn't want to go in the house.  We sat in the car and our birthday visit.  Now my car smells like lacquer.  I picked up lunch for my husband as well.  Brought it home to him then we left for my appointment.   

When I went to my appointment I just walked in changed my clothes.  But this time I brought my own cover because the hospital clothing was depressing.  I brought my iPhone with a headset to listen to music.  When Kim the technician called my name I didn't hear her.  But I heard my husband.  So I looked over and took out my ear plugs went to the bathroom then to the room.  As we walked to the room she suggested I dress in the gowns provided.  I assured her that this was my style of replacement.  A full body apron I had made from some material I bought in Hawaii a few years ago. It was quite inspirational for me.

When I plopped myself on the table I told Ashook and Kim I had to spend an hour with my God to calm me down for my appointment today.  They both responded with "No one is forcing you to do this Dorothy."

As I lay there I was thinking:  Ya, well then if it's my choice then I could just not show up.  Then responded with "Well that said, I could stop after four treatments if I chose to!"  The appointment was quicker today because their measurements were taken on day one.  Ashook asked me on day one if they could do another pin prick tattoo higher up on my breast for direction of the machine or use a tape mark which would have to be measured each time.  I had said I'd think about it. I told them today that I would decide after the long weekend.  Still thinking that I might not show up!!  

This time my eyes were open most of the time.  I was not nervous.  My breaths were quick.  I held them well.  I looked around the room as the machine made its way from my right side to left side.  I heard the same PING sound as yesterday.  Not three pings but 12 pings three times.  I watched the red light on the ceiling which had something to do with the ping sounds.
When Kim came in to say they were done.  I got up to get my Hawaiin cover and Ashook came in and said to me "Dorothy I would like to suggest to you to enjoy your long weekend the best you can, and not think about us and what goes on here.  I hope you'll come on Tuesday for your next appointment. I assure you that the Dr's here know what works and have a lot of success.

I smiled nervously and left the room.  My personal driver was there, my husband and off we went.

Day two complete.  Special bath complete.

We all have the freedom to choose how we're going to handle our stress. There are so many options that get our attention.  As we look for relief we're not satisfied for long as not all choices are helpful. Many times during an emotional crisis over the years I would turn to music.  Go for a walk. Have a bubble bath.  Tea at my Nana's.  Shopping. Indulging in a few too many glasses of wine! Take a ride out of the city. Call a friend.  Go for ice cream.  As my faith has grown I find scripture satisfies my soul and helps me surrender. 

May the options you explore bring peace to your mind in the middle of your storm so you can get some sleep.

With Love and Encouragement,

D o r o t h y   

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Dorothy Dorothy Dorothy

That's my name!  

I had my first radiation treatment today.  I wanted to just be dropped off but my husband insisted that he join me.  I haven't been myself lately! Dealing with cancer has put a lot of stress on our relationship. Yesterday, I was wondering how I'd handle my time there waiting for the radiation technician to call my name.

God calls me by name:  Dorothy - From the Greek meaning:  Gift of God.  A vision. Famous bearer: St. Dorothea was martyred at the beginning of the 4th century.  I'll have to look into that.  

That's the first I've heard about St. Dorothea.

From the English meaning:  Gift of God.  Famous bearer:  the young heroine of 'The Wizard of Oz', played by Judy Garland in the film.  When I introduce myself to help the person remember my name, I mention Dorothy with the red shoes from this movie.

Had I known a LONG time ago that I was a gift from God.  Possibly I could have, would have, or should have avoided cancer.  Why?  Because my perception of life would have been seen through the eyes of love. Love is a gift from God.  If only we believed and loved ourselves as much as God.

I arrived on time.  Checked in.  They gave me my schedule.  Within a couple of minutes I heard my name called.  This young East Indian gentleman walked over to me and said, "Are you Dorothy."  To which I responded "Yes I am.  Just let me check my cell phone to be sure!  Yep today I'm Dorothy."

He asked me to join him in a very small room to go over the plan.  When I realized I wouldn't be seen by my husband when he came looking for me after finding a parking spot.  I looked at the 4 people waiting there and said.  "If you see a good looking bald guy looking for me, tell him I ran away.  He's Italian!"  They chuckled.

I went with Ashook.  To release the tension I said, "I've not heard your name before what is your heritage?"  "My parents are from India, I was born in Canada" he said. "I've never been to India," I replied.  "I hope you'll go there", it's quite a cultural difference, it would be a great experience!" Ya way better than this one I thought!!!

Not to long ago I had a pedicure.  The technician was from India as well. She told me about her country and how it would be a good idea to go to Asia first to see how populated it is, then go to India which is even more populated.  I told her I didn't know if I'd ever get to see India.  She replied, "You will once you decide!"

He started to explain what would happen today.  Suddenly a knock on the door. Another technician escorted my husband to the room.  Ashook said we'd be finished in a few minutes and was going to close the door.  The other technician explained that this man was my husband!!   He opened the door so he could come in, he continued his explanation then finished with this question.  "Do I have your permission to get started today?" The tears started welling up in my eyes.  I chuckled and said "I don't want to be here!"  He offered me a Kleenex and told me the first time is the hardest.

Then he showed me where to undress and wait in the waiting room.  I had asked my prayer warrior friend to pray for room 8, 9, or 10.  The waiting room had a mountain view.  Guess what?  I am scheduled for room 8 for each treatment.

I had mentioned to Ashook that I had heard that they are quite often delayed from their schedule. Asking if I'd have to wait in the room with these hospital clothes on.  To which he responded, "Yes!"

I didn't even have time to sit down and another technician called my name.  I walked towards her and asked where the bathrooms were.  I didn't need a key to get in!!  She then took me to the room radiation hazard room.  Told me her name, Kim.  Then proceeded with their action plan.

I was well behaved.  I did exactly as they told me to.  I kept my eyes closed most of the time.  I imagined Jesus was with me - just as it says in the bible.  I asked Him to protect my heart and lungs from any damage from the radiation rays.  Then I imagined His light radiating over me and protecting me.  I was overflowing with brightness.  Each time I held my breath for 20 seconds, in my mind I was thinking, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!

One time I prayed for the hands of the technicians (Kim and Ashook) to be precise on their measurements so that my organs would be protected. Before I could even take that deep breath, each time I had to swallow several times so I wouldn't cry. It was crucial that I not move at all otherwise their markings and precise positioning of the machine would be off and cause damage to my organs. When I felt the tears begin, to calm myself down I said to myself "You're OK you can do this, you're OK you can do this!"  It was then that I realized I didn't even think about that tiny pill to calm me down.  I had two left in the bottle at home.

My hands were positioned over my head. One wrist was beginning to hurt and also my hip.  Again I told myself "It's OK, it's OK, it's OK!" Then the pain went away.  

It was only me and Jesus in the room.  It is extremely dangerous so the technicians are in another room watching me on a computer screen by camera.  I hear them through a sound system.  One time I thought about opening my eyes to catch a glimpse of the details in the room.  It's something I learned while listening to my BrainTap headset.  It helps to balance the left and right side of your brain.

When Kim returned to the room she said "We're done for today."  I got up to leave.  As I passed the computer room another young gentleman came over and said "Nice to meet you Dorothy." And shook my hand.  I don't recall his name. He told me he would be working with me each day along with Kim and Ashook.  I told him, "When all of this is over I will celebrate and be myself, right now I'm not myself."  Then I walked out towards the waiting room and saw the sign.  I got out my camera and took a picture.  I saw my husband standing there looking so sad.  I said to him, "Don't come down here.  It's dangerous here, this radiation will kill you!!"  I quickly asked where my clothes were, grabbed them myself and went to change.

While I was in the change room I heard a PING sound when my ring banged against a piece of steel. I thought that was odd, it was the same sound I heard in the radiation room.  In that room I heard it three times before I had the radiation.  I will pay attention each day to see if I hear that again.  

I was not at all interested in conversation.  That is why I wanted to be there by myself.  My husband drove me home.  I got my bath ready with the 35% hydrogen peroxide, Epsom salts and aluminum free baking soda. I sat there for thirty minutes, the water was so soothing, soft and bubbly. Connie, the lady I met at the health food store (I mentioned this encounter on Feb 12th entry) actually called me tonight. She asked, "Did you feel the bubbles.  "Oh ya it was great, I said!

My husband cooked dinner then went to play soccer and I began todays blog entry.

Day One is Done!

Wherever you are whatever you're doing, pay attention to your surroundings.  See what you can see. Take a mental note.  Hear what you can hear.  Pay attention to that sound.  There is a reason for everything, you are the reason.

In the Holy Bible in the book of Psalms Chapter 34 Verse 8 it says:  Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.

With Love and Encouragement,

D o r o t h y

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

A Letter of Love for Valentine's Day from the Father

I didn't get much sleep last night.  I woke up early thinking about the Father's Love Letter.  I'm going to take it with me to my radiation treatments which will be Feb 16, 17, 21, 22, 23, 24, 27, 28, March 1, 2, 3, 6 and 7.  Please pray for me to totally trust my heavenly father to uphold me through my fear and anxiety.

This image I found last year online.  When my son turned 33 which is the age of Jesus when He died I printed it and put it on the front of the birthday card I made for him.  He laughed so hard.  It really is easy to turn depression into inspiration when we do things with a spirit of fun and spontaneity.  Maybe I could print off the picture and bring it with me to radiation and laugh there too!!  My son has sent this image to me a few times when we text PTL which is an abbreviation for Praise The Lord.

Now for an intimate message from God to You.

Taken from www.fathersloveletter.com  Viewable in 100 languages.  Happy Valentine's Day!!

My Child:  You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1  I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2      I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3      Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31     For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27     In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28  For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28 I  knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5      I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12        You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16            I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26        You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14     I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13        And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6       I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44    I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16     And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1     Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1               I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11       For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48             Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17  For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33     My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11       Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3 My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalm 139:17-18    And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17    I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40        For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5  I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41  And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3     If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29   Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4    For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13 I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20 For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17  I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18  As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11      One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4                And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4 I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23         For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26  He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3    He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31 And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19    His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10              I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32 If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23   And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39      Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7 I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15 My question is… Will you be my child? John 1:12-13 I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32 

Love Your Dad, Almighty God

May your heart leap for joy as you invite the Father into your life and trust Him through all circumstances.

With Love and Encouragement,

D o r o t h y

Sunday, February 12, 2017

If you're going to talk the talk . . . .

You've got to walk the walk . . . . 

On my last blog entry I shared with you a letter to my mother.  In the letter you'd understand that she ran away.  I lost my mother three times.  First time due to divorce.  The second time due to her running away.  The third time was due to her death.

Today:  it was brought to my attention that I was spending too much money on groceries. I exclaimed that I was actually wondering what I was spending on groceries since buying organic vegetables, just this week.  I went to look for the receipts.  I was willing to take a look and see where I could cut back.  I had also bought groceries for my daughter this week as she's not comfortable going out with the baby on oxygen.  She had sent me an e-transfer but I didn't know how to accept it so hadn't deposited the money yet.  I had mentioned this.

As I voiced my willingness to look into it, the voice got angrier, louder and louder.

I chose to raise my voice then I packed it in.  I was no longer willing to discuss the matter.  I cleaned up my mess.  I packed up a few items then headed out.  I went somewhere quiet.  I needed to spend some time alone with God.  I opened up my Beth Moore bible study booklet:  Believing God.  
As I came to the end of my study.  I was encouraged to write about any questions or feelings to God. This is what I wrote:  Today at this moment, leaving my home to be alone with you God, I know that you know my inner most desire is to run away.  I am four days away from radiation.  What can I do to enjoy the last few years of my life?  Where can I go for four days? Show me the way Lord. 

I closed up my study and headed back to my car.  I called a girlfriend to meet for coffee.  She was busy so I drove around imaging where I could go but I didn't have everything I needed to go anywhere.  When I'm upset I like to drive and cry.  So I drove to a health food store a long way away from my home, to have lunch.  I sat there eating my lunch minding my own business.  When I was finished I went up to the customer service representative to see if I could have access to Wi-Fi.  The rep was talking to a couple with an issue for sometime.  When they were finished I asked the couple what this product was that they were discussing.  The husband explained what it was and what it was for.  One word he mentioned was cancer which got my attention.  By now the wife was on my left and the husband on my right. 

The wife said to me "Well now we've told you our secret.  Why don't you tell me your secret.  How is it your skin is so healthy?  What do you use?"  I was stunned.  I giggled.  Then I said "I don't use anything, never have.  Right now I'm dealing with breast cancer.  I don't have any secrets!" 

The husband asked me if I had looked into Cannabis.  The wife said "Let's not get her going on that, please!"  Then I proceeded to tell him my story about that.  He highly suggested I use the product that he was discussing with the customer service rep.  He gave me the name of the author who wrote a book about it.  His name is:  Ed McCabe.  His book:  Flood your body with oxygen.

As I listened I asked the customer service rep to get me a bottle and stood there to read all the details about the product.  The couple left to do their shopping.  At one point the husband came up behind me to tell me something else.  He actually scared me.  The rep giggled and asked him not to scare her customers!! 

He wanted me to know the recipe to use in the bath after each radiation treatment.  2 cups of 35% food grade hydrogen peroxide 1/4 cup baking soda 1/2 cup Epson salt. 

When I was finished reading.  I waited for the couple to finish their shopping.  On our way out the door I asked the wife if it was ok to give her my contact information.  She said yes.  I gave her my card and asked her to call me once a month.  Mentioning it would be nice to check in with a like minded person.  I then started to cry and said that I was having difficulty dealing with this situation.  I asked her name.  Connie.  She gave me a hug and said she would call me.  Her husband smiled and said "Fight the fight - don't give up, you'll be fine!"

I never did ask if the store had Wi-Fi!!  I did ask for the key to the bathroom though.  I think there is going to be some interest in bathroom keys now since my cannabis blog (The Mind Within a Cancer Patient).

I thanked God for calming me down, and directing me to health food store.  I thanked God for the encounter and cried myself home.  I began my preparation for the Sunday family dinner as it was a day to celebrate two of my grandchildren's birthdays.

I had to fight the desire to run away.  I had to fight very hard for the desire to run away.  My mind wanted so much to just run away.  Had I run away, it certainly would not have  made a great impression on my children and grandchildren . . . .  so I arrived home just at the right time to prepare the dinner and enjoy their company.  Getting back to the money issue which began the idea of running away.  My daughter walked me through the e-transfer and I got in trouble for taking her money!!!!  Go figure.

Now for the next step.  What will I do for the next three days before I begin radiation?

May you have the courage to bring your deepest desire before the Lord and ask for His direction.

With Love and Encouragement,

D o r o t h y 

From My Heart to Yours

Taken from my booklet 'I Believe in Miracles' 

In my last blog I mentioned taking accountability for our emotions.  On this healing journey while writing 'I Believe in Miracles' I ended up writing a letter (of healing for me) to my mom.  This is the letter.

Dear Mom:  Loosing your Mom when you were only three years old and the many losses you experienced after that left you tired and deely wounded.  I'm just beginning to understand your pain. Yet you were so blessed to have a neighbor (Nana) step up and offer to raise you as her own.  Then you fell in love with a man from a different culture, and I was the first of four miracles to come along.

You and I have a lot in common with marrying outside of our culture.  Did you feel discriminated against thinking that being Canadian wasn't good enough within your multicultural family?  Now I truly feel blessed knowing many cultures and love listening to the many stories of these multicultural women.  Calgary celebrates multiculturalism.  We have come a long way. You'd be pleased with all the help and hope there is.

If you were here today, we'd have fun cooking Hungarian Goulash, Lebanese Falafel's, Korean Japchae, Swiss Roesti, Costa Rican Barbudos, African Peanut Soup, Thai Red Curry Shrimps and for desert Italian Tiramisu.  Food choices have changed since throwing frozen fish and chips in the oven or going out for Chinese Food.

If you were helping your grandchildren send out their wedding invitations, you'd be astounded by the details and the numbers.  Your wedding was a small family celebration in the basement, mine a dozen for dinner at the Romeo and Juliet Inn.  I was so surprised by your grandson's thank you speech at his wedding, thanking me for teaching him how to respect women.  Even though you and dad were divorced, he still loved you.  He even remembered the day you two met.  And now he's gone too!  I've let go of blaming you and Dad for not loving me the way I thought love should look like.

Your great grandchildren, I'm sure would cause you to giggle.  They are so cute.  This year another one is on the way.  I just about missed out on this miracle because of not wanting to live anymore.  I thought about running away, feeling sorry for myself with such a busy family with no time for me.  I wondered if that's why you ended up running away when I was a teenager because we were too busy to see that you needed some tender loving care.  I'm so sorry Mom.  Life was truly upsetting wondering where you were since you ran away for good after Nana died.

Several years later when we got the call that you were near death and on life support, spending your last few hours together, it was actually a relief. Now we know where you are, in heaven, in a place with no more tears, no more suffering, no more pain, no more sorrow.  After you left us (died) I had a dream that you were in the hospital in Italy.  You were so beautiful and being interviewed by reporters. Somewhere in your beautiful mind I know you loved me.  I love you Mom.  I look forward to seeing you again, giving you a big hug and kiss embracing you with tears of joy, always and forever singing and dancing, giving God the glory for delivering us from darkness.


If you are wanting to be free . . . .  then be free!  Take a look at a painful relationship and consider writing a letter to that person.  My mother passed away in 1997.  I wrote the above letter November 2015.  A few times I've sat at her grave site writing as well.  There is a time and a season for everything.  When the time is right, you'll know what to do to help yourself.  

May your heart be softened and full of grace as you face your sorrows. Remember to pray, cry and let go.  There is more power in moving forward than constantly rehashing the past.

With Love and Encouragement, 

D o r o t h y 

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Human Reactors . . . . . . Hollywood Actors

If only they would listen to me!  If only they would take me seriously!!  If only they would communicate clearly to one another!  If only they wouldn't react! 

The last time we were at the Tom Baker Cancer Center we rescheduled my appointment.  The Dr was a couple of hours behind schedule plus we were told Dr. H was not in anyway.  Realizing that we couldn't see him made it easy to reschedule as my appointment was not life or death. Asking for Dr. H for sure.  We took the first appointment of the day so we could give him a hug and thank him for the Christmas call to inform us that I would not need chemo.  

When we got there this day we also told his nurse that we wanted to give him a hug.  I was sure that they understood where I stood.

After half an hour another Dr. walks in the room.  I took a deep breath and said "You're not Dr. H.!!" I must have had a look of shock on my face. The young Dr. walked towards me and offered a hand shake.  I gently shook his hand.  My husband just sat there.  I wonder what the look on his face looked like.

I said to the young Dr. after he sat down that I wanted to see Dr. H at some point today.  I suggested to him that he give us his recommendations and then call in Dr. H or give Dr H a heads up so we wouldn't waste any time waiting for him to finish between patients.  That way he could just pop in at his convenience. Either way it would be OK.  I said "You choose what you'd like to do."  He chose to go tell Dr. H that we declined to see him.

That was not true.  We encouraged the recommendation either before or after seeing Dr. H.  All we wanted to do was give Dr. H a hug of gratitude!!!! If only he would have listened.  But instead he reacted. 

If only!  If only!  If only!  

After the Dr. left the room.  A moment later, in walks Dr. H.  He was not pleased.  He was nervous. He was shocked at what his colleague told him. "That couldn't be, he said.  "Those are nice people in there!"  "Dorothy wouldn't decline to see you, he said to us!"

Dr. H assured us that he chooses only the best senior Dr.'s.  He also told us his colleague was upset that we declined to see him.  It was at this point my husband spoke up and stood up.  Telling Dr. H. the truth.  We asked that his colleague come in to clear up the situation.  Dr. H declined the offer telling us that he sent him away for a coffee.

This was not about either Dr's competence it was about giving a Dr. a hug and that's it.

Ends up Dr. H went over my December report and concluded that it would be in my best interest to go on anti hormone pills for five years.  But not until six weeks after finishing radiation.

We asked a few questions then we gave him a hug of gratitude then asked to see his colleague. Dr. H left the room.  A few minutes later his colleague walked in and my husband and I assured him it had nothing to do with him.  We just wanted to give Dr. H a hug.  (If only he would have listened!)  Then he asked my husband if he wanted to give him a hug as well.  They gave each other a bear hug and we each went our separate ways.  I said to the young Dr, "I'm sure we'll see you in the future.  Thanks for your understanding."

We human beings sure do know how to react.  We are human reactors but could easily be Hollywood actors with all the drama we add to our lives. We somehow turn another persons comments around and make it mean something about ourselves.  We are so vain!

We then waited for the nurse to come back and give us the sheet of side effects of the anti hormone pill.  My husbands phone rang and he answered it.  I couldn't listen to the nurse talking on my left and my husband talking on my right.  I kindly and gently asked my husband to leave the room.  He chose to end the phone conversation so he could listen to the nurse and ask her a few questions. Life is full of choices. No one got upset.  What was needed to be said was said and then move forward.    

From there we quickly left as we were on a mission that day.  And time was of the essence. At this next meeting of Hollywood actors, someone said something and another someone made it all about them self.

That's three times in one day!!  I couldn't believe it!!

Our mind easily gets twisted when we take things personally, when it's got absolutely nothing to do with us.  It's up to us how we choose to deal with our emotions.  They can be dealt with in a negative way or a positive way. The negative way - lots of feelings just get stirred up in the pot and we can't think straight which leads to anger and broken relationships.  The positive way would be to ask for clarity from the person who spoke.  To clear up the confusion and mend the relationship.  A lot of us seem to get caught up in our Hollywood drama - it's much more interesting, isn't it?!

In dealing with cancer there is no room in my space (mind) for negative drama.  I have learned to let go of giving any negative thoughts - color or energy.  I've learned through listening to my BrainTap Technologies headset how to let go and let go fast.  I choose to starve cancer cells that way.  

I've read a few of Dr. Caroline Leafs books and followed her 21 Day Brain Detox Program.  She says that a very high percentage of cancer is caused by our negative emotions.  I now believe that to be true.  Some of her books are: Who switched off your brain.  Who switched off my brain. Switch on your brain.  The gift in you.  Brain Time:  Learn how to learn.

Once again I look at my cancer diagnosis as a gift.  A gift to further me on my stand for my mental health.  God wants me to be the woman He created me to be.  God wants you to be the woman He created you to be. God wants you to be the man He created you to be.  I was sliding down a slippery slope blaming others for my depression.  Complaining about others and how they treated me. Defending my poor choices as I filled my mouth with unhealthy foods.  It is SO easy to get distracted and stuck in blaming, complaining, defending and justifying our behaviors, lifestyle choices and our addictions.

If you want to be free be free!  

To be free it's up to us to make the change and be the change. I am braking the strongholds in my life. I have a lineage of mental issues in my family.  I choose not to continue in those destructive patterns. I choose not to allow others to infect me with their drama. Someone who angers you controls you.

Someone shared with me that an issue on the left side of your body is due to a female.  On the right is due to a male.  I had cancer on my left side - my issue was with my mother:  abandonment, rejection, I felt unloved.  The list could go on and on.  That is a VERY good example of me making her behaviors all about me.  When in fact it had NOTHING to do with me.

My mom passed away in 1997.  In the booklet I wrote in 2016 'I believe in Miracles' I wrote my mom a letter.  I was ready to finally let go of hanging onto defeat.  I am more than a conqueror.  I know the enemies tactics. The enemy wants to defeat us. There are three powers in the world.  The power of the Holy Spirit.  The power of the Evil Spirit. Our will power which is the power of the Human Spirit. We have been given the freedom to choose who will win the Spiritual Battle each and every day.  For we do not fight principalities we fight the flesh (our will power).  When we want to win we loose. When we want the Holy Spirit to win, we win.  When we allow the Evil Spirit to win we loose big time.
As we journey through our emotions and gain clarity in our life, we can know for sure that God is for us not against us.  He is ALIVE.  He is the ROCK on which to stand so that we can stop sinking in sand.

May you be encouraged by my sharing what rocks my life.

With Love and Encouragement, 

D o r o t h y     

Thursday, February 9, 2017

The Mind Within a Cancer Patient

Keys to the Washroom . . . . . Keys to the Kingdom

As I continue on my journey of faith, healing and miracles I made an appointment at a Natural Health Clinic.  While doing research I came across this discovery.  Cannabis CBD essential oil offers pain relief, relief for sleepless nights, helps with anxiety/stress and low and behold - cancer prevention. So why not check it out.

Upon arrival I asked for the key to the bathroom.  The receptionist gave me a Barbie Doll with a key around her neck. When I got to the bathroom I asked the lady in there what office she worked at in the building. Her reply "I work at the Natural Health Clinic, and it's been the best job ever!" I asked her to kindly return Barbie to her post so I could go back to my car to eat my lunch as I was 1/2 hour early for my appointment.  Guess who held the key to the boys bathroom? Ken!

In case you've ever wondered what an office like that would look like I'll fill you in.  You check in with photo ID and your health care card.  Then they automatically give you an appointment for a four month follow up.  Without counting the chairs, my guess is fifty chairs were set up around the waiting room. The Dr. promptly (that day they were on time I was told) calls you in asks you a few questions as to why you want to use their product.  I was required to fill in a questionnaire online a couple of weeks before to make the appointment.  Not sure why the Dr. didn't know why I was there. Then he filled out a prescription size piece of paper for 'treatment recommendations'.  Under that was written 'This is not a prescription'.

My name, date, recommended dosage per day and four recommendations were listed on the sheet of paper.  The following are the four choices
1.  Predominantly CBD    
2.  Predominantly THC
3.  THC/CBD blend
4.  Oil.

The Dr. checked off 1, 3, and 4.  Then you go to the main floor.  The lady sitting near the front door asks you "Do you know which supplier you'd like to use?"  "I have no idea" I replied.  "Would you like to sit down with someone to help you decide or would you like to go online on your own?"  "I'll stay for some help", I said.  I think there were four bar height stations where you could talk to someone who could help you after waiting in the waiting room which had about ten chairs.  A young man called my name and asked me what my recommendation would be for.  I told him breast cancer.

He registered my 'treatment recommendation' with a company that supplied the oil and told me to register online before the day was over.  I could order the oil online and have it delivered within a week or two.  I came home went to the website, saw the oil choices and did some more research. Then I told my daughter.  She had told me about her friend with breast cancer that was using cannabis.  I honestly thought it was an oil you could rub on your skin around the incision.  It is suggested to take it under your tongue.  My daughter said, "Mom if you start using that you won't be waking up during the night."  I was wondering how that would be possible.  Then she told me how her friend had missed an important morning appointment because that stuff knocked her out for more than a few hours of sleep!!  And now after a year and a half her cancer is back.

Cannabis can certainly relieve stress/anxiety, sleepless nights and pain but it sure can't do what my faith can do.  Here is a great song about Faith by Kutless - What Faith Can Do  I slept on my thoughts of taking or not taking cannabis and I chose not to take it.  I'll stick to my frankincense and myrrh oil and faith that can move mountains.  I'll keep listening to my BrainTap Technologies headset and go on my mind vacations to keep my body in harmony and full of vitality.

Now for the keys to the Kingdom (Heaven) and how to use them.  This link from the Bible in one year has a very good explanation.  Expanding on Jesus holding the keys of life and death.  For us to use the keys to access God, to receive the keys of the kingdom by faith, to unlock the doors with the keys and see lives changed.

Whatever your situation may be.  When we go to the Lord, He is pleased.  Isn't that why we were created, to please God - not self?  He is pleased when we call upon His name. Thanks be to God through whom all blessings flow.

May you be blessed, motivated, stimulated, stirred, energized, encouraged and inspired as you search for the keys that opens the doors for you on your journey of faith, healing and miracles.

With love and encouragement,

D o r o t h y

Sunday, February 5, 2017

A Journey of Faith, Healing and Miracles

I believe in Miracles . . . . 

January 2016 I completed and printed a project . . . a booklet titled 'I believe in Miracles'.

It was through a difficult situation that I turned to writing which helps me see the bigger picture. Knowing that focusing on the bitter picture of my life caused a lot of frustration.  I was wanting to turn depression into inspiration.

With going through another challenge now in dealing with breast cancer I'm sure I'll be writing another booklet in a couple of years.  We all get to choose what we want to focus on.  In the booklet I talk about 'Poor Me' 'Rich Me' and 'True Me'.  I re read that booklet last night.  Which my daughter suggested I do after listening to me slide down the slippery slope into negativity.  She asked me this question:  "What would rich me do in this situation Mom?"

I had no clue what rich me would do so I started reading.  I also started reading a book about Billy Graham - A life well lived.  Reading about how other people deal with life issues helps me step out of the frame of my life, realizing there are better choices to make in dealing with challenging situations. The result, it's about connecting to God and stepping out in faith.  It's not about self first, its about putting God first.

It's been just over two months since my lumpectomy.  I have a numb nipple and my breast looks like an elephant wrinkle.  Within two weeks I'll begin my 16 treatments of radiation.  My breast will change again.  

In looking for ways to help myself on my journey before during and after radiation I found a product online at the Global Healing Center.  I ordered the product.  I received the product which was not the one I ordered.  So now I'm waiting for the one I ordered.  The one they sent was B12.  Since my mammogram in August 2016, I go to a Naturopath once a month for a B12 shot.  

The product that arrived I chose to open and try it out.  I've been on it for three days now.  I feel like a person with whom anything is possible.  

I've dealt with depression for thirty years due to having poor me at the center of attention.  I know what it's like to live in a fog.  To have a doom and gloom cloud follow you everywhere you go.  The very first time I spoke in front of a women's group about 'emotions', the voice of poor me began to quiver - she knew her gig was up.  Over the last ten years rich me has begun her journey to be aware of poor me's strategy.  

I think the next decade I will really get to know who true me is.  It is through the most difficult situations that we learn our true identity.  This cancer journey could easily be full of double depression.  The first three months of my journey just about knocked me out.  

When you find yourself in a very difficult situation remember to turn to God first.  Pray Cry and Let Go.  Trust in God's wisdom.  Become less and He will become greater than your problem.  I believe in dreams.  I had a dream that someone gave me something to boost my thyroid. That's how I came across the Global Healing Center and ordered the product for ones' thyroid.  I will be using that when it arrives as well.

Thanks to a cancer killing survivor in Saskatchewan I've registered for a Square One 10 week online coaching program for cancer patients and caregivers - This is the link: Chris Beat Cancer   When I attended the showing of the documentary 'Eating You Alive' I heard Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn MD share how his heart patients reversed their heart disease by turning to an oil free whole foods plant based lifestyle. 

Dr. Esselstyn is coming to Calgary April 28, 2017.  This is the link:  
Heart Health click on 'Speaking' tab once you get to his website.

As I continue on this journey of faith, healing and miracles I'm totally inspired to keep on keeping on.  The thought of allowing cancer to take over my body and call it a day was short lived.  Through each self created emotional tsunami I can swim back to land.  Catch my breath then begin again. Walking on water with Jesus. 

When I'm out of the water, I'm in the kitchen preparing my juices and colorful live and vibrant vegetables - singing and dancing to this song by Pharrell Williams - this is the link: 24HoursOfHappy.com.    

Whatever your situation - don't give up.  Trust in God on your journey of Faith, Healing and Miracles.

With Love and Encouragement, 

D o r o t h y 


Friday, February 3, 2017

Good Morning Sunshine

Good Morning Sunshine - I am the Lord that healeth thee!

After finishing my bible study the other day.  This phrase came to mind - I am the Lord that healeth thee.  I went looking for it in my bible.  I found it in the Old Testament in the Book of Exodus Chapter 15 at the end of Verse 26.  That is the NKJV (New King James Version).  That is the promise I will bring with me to my radiation sessions.

I also thought about a joke I heard some time ago and wouldn't even know where to begin to look to find it so I'll try myself:  It was a conversation at the gate to heaven.  The man who died said he had put all his trust in God and wondered why God didn't rescue him from the flood.  God had sent him several rescue attempts such as a car, a canoe, a motorboat, a helicopter but each time the man declined the offer saying 'No thanks, God will save me'. His house was washed away and he drowned in the flood. (Thanks to a friend for filling me in with the details.) God's response was 'Son, I sent you a warning.  I sent you a car.  I sent you a canoe.  I sent you a motorboat.  I sent you a helicopter.  What more were you looking for'?

That joke that came to mind - believe it or not - was on my mind when making a choice to do radiation or decline radiation.  Might seem silly to others but to me it was a reminder that God's ways are not our ways.  I could interpret my situation like this:  I was given a book which spoke about the connection to root canals and cancer - I paid attention and got my tooth pulled.  I was given the best surgeon in Calgary and did what he said.  The Dr was guided to send my cancer tissue to California and discover I didn't need chemotherapy.  I was directed to a documentary 'Eating You Alive' and am now following an oil free vegan whole food lifestyle which will help me overdose on nutrition which will help with the overdose of radiation they'll be giving me.  As well, I'll be soaking in Epson salt and baking soda baths each day thanks to a fellow breast cancer survivor from Saskatchewan's advise.

Here I am walking into my radiation journey with a promise:  I am the Lord that healeth thee! I will be healed through all of the above.  When we earnestly seek Him, He shows us the way,  I could have ignored all those interventions or just the medical interventions alone. I had to take a good long look at the whole situation and step out of the frame that I was in and step forward in faith on my journey with breast cancer.  I've lost 12 lbs now and feel better today than I have in years.  My new routine is my shoulder exercises morning and night, my stretches, my 1/2 hour exercise on the tread mill or stationary bike at home or walking at a mall or outdoors when the weather is warmer.  I even do juicing with vibrant live vegetables.  I'm looking and feeling better every day.

It was on a day when the sun was not shining that my friend from Fort Saskatchewan came down to Calgary to visit her family and checked in with me to encourage me with a gift:  The T towel - Good morning sunshine.  She was needing some encouragement and so was I.  It was great to get together.

Another friend shared with me her photos of Central Lao from her trip in December. This is my favorite. She calls it #2 with a view.   Both of these ladies crossed my path while I was out and about up to something good. One I met in 2000 while working with a multi-level marketing company. The other in 2014 while I was working at a Christian bookstore.  Both the marketing company and the bookstore closed down but our friendships have lingered on.  I am TOO blessed to be stressed.  So many thought full gifts I've received, phone calls, jokes, messages of encouragement and prayers.

I close with this story:  Today I went to the Tom Baker Cancer Clinic at the Foothills Hospital.  I had a CT scan - then they tattooed 3 pin marks on my chest and taped a strip of metal X's to mark the spot where most of the radiation is to go.  I told the technician that I was thinking I'd like to get a tattoo sometime before I die but not a boring one like that.  So now I can go home and encourage my husband to join me in looking into getting one done - just for fun - just because we can.

With Love and Encouragement,

D o r o t h y