It's all coming back to me now! The first time my husband said, "No more money honey!" It was 2004, I remember as if it was yesterday. The MLM business I was in with Excel Telecommunications had closed the doors on us independent representatives. I was lost again. I didn't want to be home alone again! I thought what am I going to do with the rest of my life. The six years I spent learning about me while doing this business had to have come to some conclusion, I thought. I was mad it all fell apart. It took three and a half years of going to meetings, talking to people before I started seeing the money. I had $2700 a month coming in from other people coming into the business. It was nothing that I did other than show up and sign up in the beginning. Not many people joined under me. But lots of people joined under some other people that wanted to start their own business that were in my down line.
My husband never liked this way of doing business. We were arguing a lot. I said he could retire soon. He responded with, "No way, I don't want to retire!" Then why was I doing this business, I wondered. Then one day he said, once you make $3000 a month I'll consider slowing down at work. Only $300 more to go and the company closed it's doors. I WAS MAD. I WAS SAD. I WAS LOST AGAIN. "What am I going to do with the rest of my life, I thought?" Well I could be a speaker. I started dreaming again as I kept going to those meetings. I started looking into things that made me happy. It was my turn now! The day my husband said no more money honey I got an email invitation to go to a seminar in the USA. It was teaching you how to be a speaker. Now what could I do. My fun money was all gone. No more would be coming in. I got anxious. I paced up and down, up and down, up and down. The little girl in me said I can't take this anymore. My poor me story was racing in my head. Poor me, nobody loves me, poor me nobody cares, poor me, poor me, poor me. If I had a gun I would have used it. It is ridiculously ridiculous but that is what I would have done. I remember it vividly. That was my way out.
But I remembered to do something I had just learned from a seminar at Landmark Education. (I highly recommend that program) I asked myself two questions. I went outside for a walk after calling my seminar leader who was busy. I needed help. I asked myself, Dorothy what are you feeling? I feel cornered! Dorothy when did you first feel like this. I was but a child having to testify in court against my parents who were getting a divorce. I had been crying when I left the house. After realizing the truth I started laughing. I didn't have to end my life. Those feelings I felt were from my past, I didn't have to carry that into my future. I was set free. I could now be who God created me to be!
Suicide sucks! Who did I think I was to snuff out the breath of life that God gave me. He is in charge. He knows the day and the hour of my death. I am not afraid. It is only my body that will die. My spirit will go to be with God and his son Jesus in heaven because I believe! Now I am free to live. My dream of being a speaker has come true. I am building a REAL business now. Those espresso coffee cups represent some of the feelings that were going on in my life while I was building that MLM business. I lived to tell my story in my first book, Thank You MLM. It is a story of COURAGE. Now I know how to be still with God and trust in him not in my feelings. Thanks to Patricia Morgan (a speaker in Calgary) for her encouragement to write a book about my MLM experience. As I wrote that story God encouraged me to find something to be thankful for. I became thankful that I was no longer a door mat. It was written to encourage you. As well, she said nobody would read a story about, free to be me, my first idea because I was an unknown person.
Calgary, things have changed around here. Calgary, are you ready for my next book? Are You Ready? It's about the little girl within being ready to be the woman God called her to be ( a speaker). A book that proves there is a God with a heart, are you ready to give him yours? Now my husband and I are on the same page. Married 34 years. Now that's what I call a miracle. I can hardly wait to tell the story of God in action.
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